Tuesday, December 7, 2021

XIII: Week Thirteen Results

The 2021 Regular Season has concluded- eight teams have seen their best laid plans go awry over the course of three months, while six teams remain in contention for the Silver Chalice.

Lets take a closer look at the teams that made the playoffs- how they got there, and how they might fare in the season's final month.

1. Manitoba Moosecrew (11-2)

The overall points leader (and it is not even close) the Moosecrew were a juggernaut through eight weeks, scoring 200+ points and going 7-1, with a 2 point loss to the Rum Ham the only smudge on their record. Their points dipped slightly in the late season but their success did not outside of a week twelve egg against the surging Tommy Boys, and in a statement win they flexed their muscles at full power in week thirteen against another strong squad in the Treason. Absolutely stacked at WR (Cooper Kupp, Tyreek Hill, Ja'Marr Chase) the team may be exploring RB contingencies before their week fifteen return to action.

2. Deputy Van Halens (9-4)

After an 0-2 start the Van Halens quietly put together an incredible season- in hindsight, those tight losses might have been the fire than hardened the steel. On the legs of Derrick Henry the team reeled off five wins in a row before he went down; after a pair of real stinkers in his immediate absence, the team rebounded and stealthily rose to the #2 seed. The offense is not going to blow anyone away, but shrewd matchup play got them this far, and without a week fourteen matchup to worry about they should have an optimized roster for the semi-final.

3. Mar-A-Lago Treason (9-4)

The Treason matched their best record in franchise history at 9-4 with a decade between winning seasons. After pacing the league as they raced out to a 7-0 start, Mar-A-Lago's 2-4 finish is cause for some concern- but a strong showing (albeit, in defeat) in their finale could mark a resurgence. Of note is an injury to Adam Thielen who has the early game this week and could have used a first round bye to recuperate. With David Montgomery rejoining Leonard Fournette this team has a dynamic one-two punch, but a lot of this team's postseason results will hinge on DangeRuss Wilson returning to form.

4. Philadelphia Rum Ham (9-4)

Another long suffering franchise, the Rum Ham put together their best ever season on their thirteenth try despite remaining doggedly loyal to Matty Ice. Matt Ryan scored 30 points in week nine, and 10 points or less in five of the other six games, including negative points twice. IT DOESN'T MATTER. Jonathan Taylor and Cordarrelle Patterson supplied an unstoppable running attack, while the rest of the playmakers and defense did their part. Taylor is on bye in the playoff's first round (a quirk of the new seventeen game season) so while he got the team this far, they'll need to get through this next bit without their MVP.

5. South Park Cows (9-4)

The Cows have a bit of a strange pattern going here, as they won three games, lost two games, won three games, lost two games, and then won three games again. They will look to buck this trend in the playoffs, but may need to do it without their top two receiving threats, Jaylen Waddle (Bye) and Keenan Allen (Questionable with COVID-19) leaving a scrappy offense at its scrappiest. That said, Tom Brady has shined up plenty of lesser talents in his career, and Clyde Edwards-Helaire could erupt after recovering from injury and seeing a plum matchup in week fourteen.

6. Ohio Tommy Boys (8-5)

On October 18th the Tommy Boys were 1-5 and at the bottom of the standings. Ever since that point, all they have done is win. The hottest team in football, Ohio will be a terrifying #6 seed, especially if Alvin Kamara returns to pair with Joe Mixon. If Kamara cannot go, Ohio will be plucking a man off the street, and with a wideout group that is more floor than ceiling, more of the playmaking onus will fall on George Kittle, who put together an all-time day in the season finale.

Just missing the playoffs at 7-5 are the Binghamton Snipers and HCM City Leady Farmers. While both teams have to be disappointed with their season, their winning records have ensure that they'll have top four draft slots for Larkspur Bowl XIV. It's a consolation prize, but one well earned- both teams will return to action in Week Fifteen to suss out their final standing. 

Week 13 Matchups

 

TEAM OF THE WEEK THIRTEEN

  • QB: TOM BRADY (SPC) 29.72
  • RB: JAVONTE WILLIAMS (HVM) 32.20
  • WR: JUSTIN JEFFERSON (DVH) 36.80
  • TE: GEORGE KITTLE (OTB) 41.00
  • DL: CAMERON HEYWARD (SPC) 14.00
  • LB: KAMU GURGIER-HILL (SPC) 32.00
  • CB: BYRON MURPHY (DVH) 21.15
  • SS: JAYRON KEARSE (MAL) 27.50
  • PK: JAKE ELLIOT (PRH) 17.00

The playoff bracket and matchup previews, along with postmortems for the dearly departed are on their way!

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