Tuesday, December 4, 2018

X: Week Thirteen Results

Before the season ended, it had a few final surprises for us. The Deputy Van Halens, needing just one win in the final three weeks to punch a ticket to the playoffs instead struck out and plummet into the consolation bracket's depths. The Savannah Petes dealt the fatal blow, but without their best player (RB Kareem Hunt, suspended indefinitely) were unable to outscore the Binghamton Snipers, who return to the playoffs in their second go around. Orgrimmar gave away their quarterfinal bye, which Phoenix seizes- just barely, while losing AJ Green in the process. Pawnee surges, Hill Valley looks potent, and the top seeded South Park Cows have doubled their loss total in the past two weeks. The brackets are set, the Mar-A-Lago Grabbers (4-9) and Philadelphia Rum Ham (3-10) are hitting the links, and we've got three wild weeks of football to go with the 2018 championship and the 2019 draft lottery both hanging in the balance.

SCOREBOARD:

POWER OUTPUT:
  1. PAW 238: Very nearly scored a bye week on the back of a resilient month long win streak, but their star studded offense will host the Snipers in a dramatic quarterfinal instead.
  2. BIN 230: Yet again Binghamton gets some momentum late in the season and does enough to make the dance. This year they're looking to do more. 
  3. NYF 227: Their finest hours have come late, but New York is in good position to secure a top draft pick next time around (no thanks to their scrap heap receiver corps)
  4. HVM 220: This matchup was mostly meaningless, and the McFlys scored well enough to compete with anyone. They'll take on Orgrimmar, who knocked them out of LBI and LBIII.
  5. PHX 219: Bobby Wagner's monster day (capped off by a 98 yard pick six) wills the Uprising to the #2 seed just when it looked like it was off the table. Team is only 5th in pts for this year.
  6. PRH 208: The team left it all on the field, their best performance in the season's second half, but they fell just short of playing spoiler. Back to the drawing board for 2019.
  7. SPC 206: The game didn't matter for the Cows, but three of their lowest scores were in the season's closing weeks. They'll need to kick it back into high gear for weeks 15 and 16. 
  8. ORG 203: Losing the chance to rest for a week may not matter so much to one of the league's most consistent squads. Peterson had a 90 yard TD run... and 98 rushing yards last night.
  9. HCM 200: Coming down of a second place finish, the Lead Farmers end up with a respectable record and a top four pick- if they want it. Their first back to back winning seasons in 9 years.
  10. SAV 186: 53 points out of the six seed, their 4 point loss to Binghamton in wk 12 seals their fate. Another team enjoying their first back to back winning season in a decade's worth of tries.
  11. MAL 173: The Grabbers season ends with some high notes after muddlign through a mid-season dirge. A lot of their cut players ended up on winning rosters, preaching patience in '19.
  12. MMC 168: A strong start was undone by a stagnant roster, as the team simply couldn't find replacements with upside and ended up collapsing inward below a top heavy scheme.
  13. DVH 143: Disappearing into the Wilderness, the Van Halen collapse overshadows the prolific three week stretch that broke scoring records. They'll need to rebound fast to nab a top pick.
  14. BKB 140: The inaugural buzz was good, but the franchise has been unable to get to 6 wins in any of their first 6 seasons, remaining the only team in the league without a playoff appearance.
TEAM OF THE WEEK:
QB PATRICK MAHOMES (NYF) 35.30
RB TARIK COHEN (PRH) 34.92
WR KEENAN ALLEN (SPC) 33.80
TE TRAVIS KELCE (PAW) 36.40
DL AARON DONALD (HVM) 28.50
LB BOBBY WAGNER (PHX) 53.45
CB XAVIEN HOWARD (PHX) 24.00
SS JAMAL ADAMS (PRH) 21.50
K KA'IMI FAIRBAIRN (NYF) 22.00
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