Tuesday, September 14, 2021

XIII: Week One Results

Thirteenth Season, Round One in the books.
Half the league are winners, half the league are losers, and half of each number were in the playoffs last season. Some of that is any given Sunday, some of that is draft value, some of that is good fortune. But here we are, on the eve of our first waiver period. Picking up the pieces, re-assembling them, looking to build momentum.

In the winner's circle: The freshly re-named Mar-A-Lago Treason scoring BIGLY; HCM City looking to get back to the big game for the third time in five years; The Manitoba Moosecrew, who were never actually relegated they just took a gap year; Phoenix Uprising with playoff entry in 10 of 11 years- and four trophies; The Rudy-Toos, who took five tries to win once last year; LBVII champion the always dangerous South Park; and the Savannah Petes bouncing back from a horrific 3-10 campaign.

Winless wonders include: OTB, who scored the 4th most points in week one and was our hard luck loser; Deputy who was hurt by a Za'Darius Smith ejection and a Cameron Jordan goose egg; Binghamton who played adequately but lacked for a gamebreaker; The McFlys who have been in 4 of 5 playoffs- winning it all twice; The Rum Ham who have been on the edge of obscurity for seven straight seasons; our defending champion Sanitation Crew; and the Pawnee Pride who have just never been the same since winning LBXI and hoarding the trophy like Gollum.

Week 1 Matchups

 

TEAM OF THE WEEK 1:

QB: PATRICK MAHOMES (SAV) 34.18
Mahomes engineered this victory, tinkering with the defense and then putting up points in bunches; Today he threw for three scores, ran for another, and made 355 yards offense. His place in the Savannah huddle is assured barring injury, making Josh Allen the most expensive bench warmer in the league. The Petes should be gauging the market for him weekly- if they can get dependable RB2 and WR2 for him, that'd be a win.

RB: CHRISTIAN McCAFFREY (SPC) 27.70
From the "They Are Who We Thought They Were" department, McCaffrey justifies his draft position by being an all around weapon and juggernaut offensive engine. It all runs through him, so as long as he's upright, he's a difference maker. Duh! 1287 total yards on 30 touches, eight first downs, but no end zone dances.

WR: TYREEK HILL (MMC) 38.10
Hill's diminutive frame makes has does not matter when he remains the most elusive wideout in the game; the biggest enemy for him could be game flow, as the team will likely throttle down if they win a blowout instead of a shootout. Week one's shootoutr saw 11 catches, 197 yards, eight first downs, and a long TD.

TE: ROB GRONKOWSKI (MMC) 26.50
At this point in his career Gronk might be touchdown dependent (he had two in week one) but after his mom found his football pants and he shook off the rust, it's also possible he's going to have TE1 volume again, like in his '14-'17 prime. Time will tell, but this was a good time: 8 catches, 90 yards.

DL: NICK BOSA (MAL) 18.00
The younger Bosa made up for lost time in this one, returning from his injury plagued 2020 to score a sack and three tackles for loss. An every-down disruptor, he's one of a handful that is a good bet to be in contention for this spot week-in and week-out.

LB: CHANDLER JONES (MAL) 42.00
There are two schools of though with Larkspur Bowl linebackers: Get the MLB tackle machines that wear the green dot and give you dependable double digits almost every week, or get one of the freakishly athletic OLBs that can destroy a game plan with ease if the offense does not prioritize staying away from them. Jones and his 5 sacks are the latter.

CB: LOGAN RYAN (SAV) 22.00
Ten tackles, one for as loss, a fumble forced and a fumble recovered, Logan Ryan was a difference maker today, as he has been most weeks over the past eight years. An irreplaceable asset at an otherwise thoroughly replaceable position.

SS: KEVIN BYARD (OTB) 14.10
Somewhat under heralded, Byard has been a mainstay at the safety for half a decade, gobbling up tackles and never missing a game. The PDs and INTs have dipped since his 2017 monster season, but he got one of each in his 2021 debut, part of a strong defensive effort despite a tough loss.

K: MATT GAY (SPC) 12.00
Missed a long one but banged 4 PATs and a 20 something yarder, good enough for the top spot among rostered kickers.

Power Rankings will be done every third week, to more accurately gauge week-to-week variance; Further exploration of teams will be done by blog post rather than weekly segment, as the instant analysis becomes canned and stagnant. We'll focus on looking at positional strength and player breakouts, rather than rehashing on a weekly basis.

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