Tuesday, September 13, 2016

VIII: Week One Results

Chapter one has concluded. Fifteen more chapters have to be written. We have been introduced to the characters and here are our first impressions:

POWER OUTPUT:

  1. LTP 253
  2. HVM 236
  3. DVH 225
  4. SAS 213
  5. MMC 203
  6. PHX 201
  7. ISL 197
  8. MDB 196
  9. SAV 191
  10. SPC 185
  11. HCM 179
  12. PAW 176
  13. OAK 172
  14. NYF 144


Week 1 Matchups



LTP 253.60 over SPC 185.42
Toronto has officially inched the all-time single week record forward; Wait! Sorry. Toronto has officially centimetered (centremetered?) the record forward barring stat corrections, to 253.60; They now hold two of the top three scores of all time, all of which start with 253. Andrew Luck should be a top flight option every week if he can avoid lacerating any of his internal organs this year- the same goes for the bulk of the team's veteran core. As is custom, Les Tres Petites are carrying little in the way of offensive depth, with just a single reserve at WR, RB, and TE. The Cows go down to their former ally in their debut as defending champions despite a stellar performance from flex play Willie Snead. Russell Wilson had a tough game and enters week two questionable, and tight end Cameron Brate first week as starting tight end was hardly promising.

HVM 236.44 over HCM 179.80
Hill Valley starts their season with a victory over the Lead Farmers, as they did in 2014. Jabaal Sheard paced starting defensive linemen in week one, and the majority of the offense did their part as well. Famous Jameis got off to a great start, tossing four touchdowns in his first turn as a McFly. Brandin Cooks was responsible for about 30% of HCM City's production; Only seven other starters hit double digits and only DL Mo Wilkerson exceeded his projections by more than one point. Not quite an embarrassing point total, but not enough to win most weeks.

DVH 225.62 over PHX 201.64
Deputy gets the win with TE Dwayne Allen and CB Bashaud Breeland making the difference- but the team loses second round pick Keenan Allen for the season to a torn ACL. This is is second year in a row that the Van Halens have had their second round pick go down with a torn ACL before completing a single game, which makes is an official curse; Last year's accursed Kelvin Benjamin is the only proven weapon left at the position, where Tyler Lockett, Rishard Matthews, and Josh Doctson will have to fill the void. Deputy takes on high powered LTP next week in a matchup to watch. The Uprising got a combined 1.8 points from their first and 'second' round picks, woeful returns from JJ Watt and Dez Bryant. The team still eclipsed 200 points in defeat, and should look for better days ahead from both players. Behavioral issues will keep Vontaze Burfict and Josh Gordon out for two and three more games, respectively. Disrespectively!?

SAS 213.96 over SAV 191.39
After 'winning' the draft, the Sasquatch rolled through week one, defeating Savannah comfortably. A team will lose with 213 this year, and several teams will (and have already) won with 191 or less, but those are the breaks! Saskatoon's offense was good, the defense was adequate, and Dan Bailey was money; the kicker could have had a truly spectacular week if the clock had not run out on a final field goal attempt. The bad news: Both of the victor's top receivers are nursing foot injuries, and while Julio Jones' ankle injury appears to be minor, Sammy Watkins might be on the shelf awhile. The Petes failed to cover team Captain Rob Gronkowski's injury properly, as Tyler Kroft scored zilch; Five of the team's eight defensive starters scored single digits: 6.5, 4.0, 3.5, 3.0, and 1.0. Those are not winning scores. Thus, the team did not win.

MMC 203.16 over OAK 172.03
Manitoba took care of business in week one, inevitably dropping the Drivers to 0-1 in the process. Oakwood has never won a season opener, now 0-4 all-time in game ones. Besides a disappearing act from Calvin Pryor, an injury to Leodis McKelvin, and a slow start Steve Smith, the MooseCrew saw all of their players meet or exceed projections. Oakwood made a poor choice keeping Brandon LaFell on the bench while questionable Markus Wheaton ended up a game day inactive; Injuries to Demaryius Thomas and DeVante Parker have the team's week two lineup in flux. Only Karlos Dansby was able to stand out on the Driver defense.

ISL 197.56 over MDB 196.14
The tightest matchup of the week is still subject to stat corrections- The Islanders are currently holding a margin of just 1.42 over Malibu, so this thing could hinge on a single solo tackle. Both teams will have to hold their breath until Thursday morning. (This advice should not be taken literally.) Should the score stand, the Islanders can thank everyone on their offense except Gary Barnidge, who went pumpkin. A change behind center may help last year's Cinderella; On the other side of the ball, Anthony Barr was the only weak spot. For the freshly recolored Deadbeats, the what-ifs are a plenty: What-if they had lined up Virgil Green and Terrelle Pryor instead of Antonio Gates and Travis Benjamin? What if they had held on to Chandler Jones? The team still showed plenty in a nailbiter and will look to right the ship in week two against Oakwood.

PAW 176.88 over NYF 144.46
When two teams both deserve to lose, one team has got to deserve the loss A LITTLE MORE. New York started last season with nine straight wins, part of a fourteen game streak dating back to their 2014 LBVI championship season. They will start with no such streak in 2016, with a paltry showing in week one- they'll need to win out from here to match their 12-1 record for last season. A weak group of receivers gave an especially week showing this time around- they need a breakout or some reinforcements, but it is unlikely they do THIS badly again. Pawnee's dire group of wideouts looked good in comparison- there are two of them! The team's defense slagged off after Captain Luke Kuechly and Kiko Alonso, but there's room to improve there.

TEAM OF THE WEEK:


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