Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Week Eight Results

This was a momentous week in Larkspur Bowl history- 2014's Hump Day saw three of the highest scores in Larkspur Bowl history, as Phoenix pushed the bar to 253.24, California takes the silver at 249.39, and Margaritaville settles in fourth with 240.08, just shy of Indiana's 2013 Week 5 result of 240.91. South Park finally lost through no fault of their own- 213.29 should be more than enough to win most weeks, but that is the peril of a thirteen week schedule. They are still in pole position, a game up on Phoenix and a virtual lock for the playoffs. Five teams sit over .500 (South Park, Phoenix, New York, California, and Indiana) and control their playoff destinies. Four more teams sit even as they stare down the home stretch: Toronto, Margaritaville, Manitoba, and Pawnee. After that, it will take a hope and a prayer.



Early it looked like the Swag might set the points record, then M-Ville amped up its pursuit of the score, but in the end Phoenix (6-2) delivered the best game to date in Larkspur Bowl History. Arian Foster continues to be a dominant RB1, and Larry Fitzgerald's big day helped short circuit a valiant effort by the Jamaal Charles led Massacre (3-5) who were good enough to beat more than half of the league in week eight, but the schedule has done them no favors. Phoenix has a lot of eggs in two baskets: Who'Dat and the Bullpen combine to form a full third of the team's roster.

The Turbanators (5-3) held on to win comfortably over Hill Valley, who find themselves in uncharted territory: 3-5 and looking at an arduous road to the playoffs. They have the assets and the gumption to make the moves necessary to win out- Josh Gordon, AJ Green, Ryan Mathews, and Montee Ball are the sort of pieces a front runner can sit on, and if the McFlys can move them for WIN-NOW players, they might sneak into the dance. Indiana's first half record cannot be justifiably explained: They're bottom four in total points, owning a -50 margin, but with four wins by ten points or less, they're contenders to date. If Megatron comes back strong, they're in position to capitalize.

The Battle of St. Petersburg has annointed its yearly champion: The hottest team in the league, the Pawnee PRIDE (4-4) have reeled off three straight with Aaron Rodgers at the helm. Now the trick will be sustaining the push through into the playoffs. HCM City (1-7) has just been a poor locale for a football team: The Eastern Hemisphere just isn't ready for the pigskin. A shame for one of the best RB batteries in the league: Eddie Lacy and Le'Veon Bell continue to toil in obscurity. 

In the week's most fiercely contested matchup, New York (5-3) held of Toronto (4-4) for an improbable victory. Week eight offensive MVP Jeremy Maclin put LTP in position for a win on Monday night, but Finest' TE Jason Witten's first quality game was enough to stave off DeMarco Murray's insatiable appetite for destruction. Tony Romo's spinal injury capped off his prowess early, while Big Ben could only watch from the sideline. New York has officially righted the ship and can cement playoff status by winning three of their final five, a palatable objective given their schedule. Toronto finds itself in a rat race for playoffs, but with as good a chance as anyone, if they can find a second running back.

M-Ville's (4-4) revamped roster ran roughshod on old friend Saskatoon (2-6) during rivalry week. Sporting eight new starters, they were led by rookie LB Anthony Barr, who took the reins from departed JJ Watt and also took home defensive player of the week honors. Sasquatch RB Andre Ellington got a measure of revenge against the team that drafted him, but the game was never really in doubt. M-Ville has the potent look of a team peaking in the second half, while Saskatoon will need a Cinderella story to avoid another off season of "what-ifs?"

All four of the 4-4 teams appear to have their best football in front of them; After being left for dead two weeks in, the Manitoba Moose have evened their record, and looked like a bonafide contender in recent weeks. If they can optimize their RB position and utilize RB/WR Denard Robinson in the flex, they'll be able to utilize him as unique weapon no one else can currently boast: A flex toting 20 carries a game. Oakwood (3-5) continues to soldier on admirably- since the start, they've been sinking, but have done everything and everything to plug holes and stay relevant.

And so the mighty Cow (7-1) has fallen. It took an epic effort from the (5-3) Cali Swag, who scored more than eighty points better than their season average- and that average skewed way up due to the week's explosion. Only three players scored single digits for California- and none of them scored less than 8.5, a satisfactory effort in any given week. The Cows face HCM City in week nine with their offensive catalyst Matt Forte on bye.

WEEK EIGHT OFFENSIVE MVP:
WR Jeremy Maclin, Toronto Les Tres Petites - 41.33pts















WEEK EIGHT DEFENSIVE MVP:
LB Anthony Barr, Margaritaville Parrots - 27.35pts


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Monday, October 27, 2014

TRADE 16: Eleventh Hour Power

Late Saturday night a trade sneaked through the transaction report, a one for one deal that had players dressing in new jerseys come Sunday morning.

Margaritaville acquires:
WR TY Hilton

 New York acquires:
RB Marshawn Lynch

The move put the finishing touches on a midseason overhaul for the Parrotheads that paid immediate dividends: Hilton put up 26.5; TE Heath Miller stepped in and put up a 23.7, and RB Ahmad Bradshaw slotted into the RB slot Beast Mode inhabited for a week in M-Ville and put up 17.8, and DE Robert Quinn finally looked like JJ Watt, putting up a 19.5 in his first game with MPH. Only WR Brandon Marshall underperformed in his debut, though M-Ville didn't need it, cruising to a blowout of Saskatoon. New York gets a Beast Mode maligned by controversy: The Finest have to be hoping he's prepping to get a big contract this off season, and will produce at the elite level he is capable of in the second half.
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Wednesday, October 22, 2014

TRADES 14 & 15 Uprising Downsizing

Following their second loss, Phoenix made a couple of moves bringing in a glut of new wide receivers and the King of IDPs, while shipping out a lot of proven talent to his brother and his father. Lets take a look:

Margaritaville acquires:
WR Brandon Marshall
RB Ahmad Bradshaw
TE Heath Miller
DE Robert Quinn

Phoenix acquires:
DE JJ Watt
WR Brandin Cooks
WR Marques Colston
RB Alfred Blue

Kneejerk reaction is that the Parrots won this trade, due to the focus on offense: They attain bonafide WR1 Brandon Marshall and RB Ahmad Bradshaw, who has played like a RB1 to date. (He's probably more of a RB2 on volume, but results are results.) Heath Miller is a solid TE option during starter Vernon Davis' bye week, and a guy they might keep around going forward, as he is a distinct notch above the typical waiver wire flotsam. DE Robert Quinn has was a stud last year- this year the sack numbers just have not been there, but there's a good chance they are coming. Flip side, it's highly possible that M-Ville has already extracted the best weeks of JJ Watt's 2014: There are only so many touchdowns a defensive lineman can score. He is undoubtedly the class of his position (no one at any position dominates their peers so thoroughly- he's outscored his nearest competitor by nearly fifty points, and the Watt advantage has produced a championship in each of the past two years. But the truth is, Watt is on bye in week 10, and there is a chance the margin between him and Quinn in the second half is marginal anyway. Phoenix gambled to have the best player at all three levels of their defense: Watt joins Lavonte David and Harrison Smith as the highest scorers at their position through seven weeks. They were also the first player chosen at their position in the draft, which edges in on the notion that IDPs are impossible to predict. Despite Watt as the clear get, Phoenix scored two WR2s in the deal: rookie Brandin Cooks and veteran Marques Colston. Joining Drew Brees and Mark Ingram, the Uprsing have tied their fate to the Saints. They also acquired Arian Foster's backup Alfred Blue, a handcuff that they shed quickly. Did Phoenix overpay by including Bradshaw in the deal, or can a team built on defense win this league? Will the depletion of offensive talent sink the Uprsing? Will M-Ville regret moving the most dominant player in the league? Time will tell.

New York acquires:
RB Trent Richardson

Phoenix acquires:
WR Anquan Boldin

In a matter of hours, the Uprising's vaunted RB carousel went from overloaded to vacant, as they moved two solid starters back to back. Richardson is not a game breaker, but he sees a healthy volume and gets plenty of opportunities in the red zone, making him a low ceiling RB2 in the vein of Steven Jackson, whom New York also acquired from Phoenix earlier this year. In return they get a similar player at a different position: Boldin is a savvy vet with strong hands, but without the playmaking spark of youth. He's a safe play that won't produce a ton of highlights but will refrain from going invisible in big moments.
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Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Week Seven Results

We're seeing some separation at the top, as South Park has all but clinched a playoff spot, marching to 7-0. No team has ever gone undefeated in the regular season- the best record in league history is a 10-3 mark, achieved by two teams in 2010 (Phoenix and Orgrimmar) and by the #1 seed in the league each subsequent year: Hill Valley in 2011, New York in 2012, and Phoenix again in 2013. The Cows will only need to split their remaining six games to hit that benchmark.



Week 7 Matchups


Oakwood (3-4) upset Phoenix (5-2) by scoring contributions across the board: Eight players in double figures, highlighted by another big day from Golden Tate. Only Reshad Jones on the Uprising defense managed to outscore his projections, and Drew Brees and Arian Foster were the only offensive players to join him at that table. The clunker puts Phoenix on an island: Now two games back of the Cows, they retain a one game lead on the field, heading into a rivalry matchup with Oniontown.

Toronto (4-3) had an easy day exploiting a collapsing Indiana (4-3) that could barely muster triple digits. There were no highlights for the Turbanators, who will need to rally quickly if they hope to bury their rival McFlys next week and stay over .500 on the year. LTP's Kirk Cousins experiment should be over- Tony Romo and Big Ben Roethlisberger ought to take the reigns from here. No team has a greater need for a second RB, but DeMarco Murray's MVP season has masked the achilles all year; If they can find an average back for that hole, they're still coming out ahead, but an injury to Murray would leave RB a barren Canadian wasteland, panic station on the frozen tundra.

Pawnee (3-4) looks like a completely different team with Aaron Rodgers at the helm, a team totally worthy of Olivia Munn. They dispatch California, who remains in the hunt at 3-4. Tom Brady, Chris Ivory, and the defense showed up in this one, but the rest of the team had minimal impact- Luke Kuechly was mistakenly ejected, deflating the team's momentum and handicapping their chances. They will attempt to stop the South Park Juggernaut next week.

What looked like a prime time matchup between the league's premier team in 2014 (South Park 7-0) and perennial title contender (Hill Valley 3-4) was contentious but never really close. The Cows have won by precognition, buying low on players waiting for their opportunity, and letting them shine in active duty. The McFlys regular bazaar of trades is wheeling and dealing, but they have not yet found their stride, and are in danger of falling behind with a short bench. They face back to back critical challenges in Indiana and New York.

New York (4-3) finished just shy of 200 points, but they hardly needed it to defeat Margaritaville (3-4) in a battle of teams headed in opposite directions. The Finest have won three in a row, surging up to #3 in the standings and second in overall points. Conversely, the Parrots have dropped three straight despite putting up competitive numbers each week. They really need to find some consistency at the back end of their offense- the TE, WR3, and Flex slot have undermined a team that otherwise looks like a contender. They'll try to right the ship against bitter rival Saskatoon in week eight.

Manitoba (3-4) erupted for 233.82 points, putting everything together to humble the Sasquatch, who fall to 2-5. After a slow start the Moosecrew is looking very formidable for the second half gauntlet. Week seven was highlighted by the week's defensive MVP Leodis McKelvin and the top three offensive performers: repeat MVP Demaryius Thomas, QB Russell Wilson, and rookie WR Sammy Watkins were week 7's power trio. They face three straight 3-4 teams, and can put themselves in great position for the playoffs if they can nail down some W's. Saskatoon cannot panic, but it's now or never for their 2014 chances.

Oniontown (3-4) gets a much needed win over HCM City (1-6) who will have to go on a dramatic run just to make the consolation bracket. The Massacre have quietly assembled a quality roster, with the depth and the upside to make some noise in the back half of the season. They'll seek their first winning streak of the year by handing Phoenix its first losing streak. HCM City will try to play spoiler, starting in the PETER-BOWL this week.

 WEEK SEVEN OFFENSIVE MVP:
WR Demaryius Thomas, Manitoba MooseCrew - 35.10pts



















WEEK SEVEN DEFENSIVE MVP:
CB Leodis McKelvin, Manitoba MooseCrew - 23.65pts

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TRADES 11, 12, and 13: The Hill Valley Shuffle

Heading into week seven, Hill Valley spun off three trades in an attempt to recalibrate their roster; Two with Saskatoon. Both teams still lost this week and have dropped below .500 on the year, to 3-4 and 2-5 respectively; Lets examine the ramifications of the moves more closely:

Hill Valley acquires:
RB Lamar Miller
QB Eli Manning

Saskatoon acquires:
RB Pierre Thomas
CB Kyle Fuller

This trade saw the McFlys acquire a RB on the rise in Lamar Miller- they gave up a serviceable RB in Pierre Thomas, but get an obvious upgrade (even before Thomas went down with injury) at the position. They give up rookie CB Kyle Fuller, who was a difference maker in week two and three but has been a milder presence since: a startable commodity at the league's most volatile position, but not a weekly weapon. QB Eli Manning was dropped for QB Carson Palmer before kickoff- a fateful move that undermined this trade's value for one week.

Hill Valley acquires:
RB Montee Ball
LB Von Miller

Pawnee acquires:
RB Ronnie Hillman
WR Jarvis Landry
LB Patrick Willis

After acquiring Miller, the McFlys deemed Ronnie Hillman expendable and moved him for RB Montee Ball. Ball's injury has an indeterminate timetable, and Hillman's prowess in the vacuum he left makes the situation opaque: There is no guarantee Ball will wrest his plowshare back from Hillman, if and when he returns. Flipside, Hill Valley got a healthy stud LB for an injured stud LB, in acquiring Miller for Willis. They play different positions- Willis, when healthy, has a higher floor, but Miller is one of the most electric pass rushers in the league, and has scored a sack in every game since the opener- and two sacks in three straight games. With Willis on the shelf for an undisclosed amount of time, this was a solid get for a team in need of wins. WR Jarvis Landry is turning into a reliable WR4, with a pinch of consistency and a dash of upside he is a flex play to feel good about.

Hill Valley acquires:
CB Cortez Allen

Saskatoon acquires:
LB Mychal Kendricks

The McFlys had clutched Kendricks tightly since he flashed early brilliance- but he's been out over a month. The Sasquatch have to be hoping for an imminent return here, as the other stud LB they recently acquired, Paul Posluszny, was one and done- a big game that ended in a major injury. The thing about acquiring CBs is that you're paying for past performance, with no guarantee of future returns: So much about ball hawking is context and opportunity. Cortez Allen had back to back gamebreakers in weeks 4 and 5, so the potential is there.
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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

TRADE 10: The Biggun'

Every year Margaritaville (nee Chicago) seems to end up making a big deal, involving a lot of players, some of them of the big name variety. Well here's the formerly eponymous blockbuster for 2014:

Margaritaville acquires:
RB Marshawn Lynch
WR Marques Colston
WR Stevie Johnson
LB Jacquian Williams

Saskatoon acquires:  
RB Andre Ellington
TE Larry Donnell
LB Paul Pozluszny
RB Shonn Greene

Rumors of the Sasquatches ramping up their pursuit of TE help were abound, with Beast Mode connected to the upgrade package. They found a suitor in M-Ville who moves deep sleeper breakout Larry Donnell in the deal, showing belief in Vernon Davis, who has struggled to regain viability since Week One. Donnell himself has been quiet in back to back weeks following his three TD game in week four, but that only tells part of the tale- the big man came down with a highlight reel touchdown catch in prime time last week, only to have it reeled back on a holding call. Marshawn is an obvious upgrade over Andre Ellington, but the latter is no slouch, scoring start worthy numbers in all five games this season. His diminutive size and chronic injury troubles mark him as a risk, but as long as he is on the field, he's only a marginal drop down from Lynch. WRs Marques Colston and Steve Johnson bring some veteran know-how to a young group of Parrotheads; Neither is the must-start option they were in their prime, but both have shown plenty of utility, and should make the lineup based on week to week matchups. Saksatoon gets a third useful piece in Paul Posluszny, one of the dozen or so proven difference makers at LB. LB Jacquian Williams is an athletic coverage LB, while Shonn Greene is a plodding yardage eater that should get at least a dozen carries in any game he plays. Both are depth alternatives with minimal weekly upside.
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TRADE 9: To the 3rd Power

An interesting little swap in the shadow of late waiver clearance.

Hill Valley acquires:
WR Cecil Shorts III

Pawnee acquires:
RB Khiry Robinson

Hill Valley gets a high upside WR3 with some obvious issues: notably, injuries have limited to three games thus far, though he has been a productive piece in two of them. Should Shorts stay healthy and continue to get double digit looks, he is an optimal flex play in any given week. Pawnee had a short term RB need, with three of its four quality runners laid up for the coming week. Khiry has been stout and serviceable, and while he may be ticketed for a reserve role going forward, he's a better option than most of the waiver wire drek. Perhaps Shorts could have netted more, but with his explosive hamstrings, the Pacers may have been inclined to ship him before his health flared up and sunk his value again.
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Week Six Results

Even the losers get lucky sometimes! HCM City doesn't have to do a naked lap, after breaking into the win column against the Oakwood Drivers. No one can claim harder luck than Oakwood, who has lost four of their top twelve picks to injury/suspension, and has had at least two others miss multiple games. Manitoba has had shit luck as well, seeing a league leading 1,146 pts through six games, more than a hundred points more than anyone else (a whopping 191 per game) and never having an opponent score less than 162.


Week 6 Matchups



The Uprising dealt with the Moosecrew with minimal drama, getting to two hundred points with minimal fanfare, behind bye week replacement Hoyer the Destroyer. Manitoba's twin cannons, Jordy and Demaryius provided a full third of their team's output. It will be interesting to see if they move one of them to improve a roster bereft of elite running back talent. Moving Joe Flacco for Russell Wilson backfired in week one, but expect the deal to work longterm.

Indiana came back to stun the Parrots, who got off to a tremendous start by way of Week Six Defensive MVP JJ Watt- Turbanator safety Rashad Johnson all but neutralized Watt's efforts with a monster score of his own. Both QBs were solid as well, which makes TE Julius 'the difference maker' as Vernon Davis has been a dud, injured and ineffective since a fast start in week one. Indiana is 4-2 and has Megatron waiting in the wings- the best is yet to come, once that goliath gets online.

Pawnee pushed their winning streak over the McFlys to two! The Pacers were actually excellent in this one, and will need to continue trending that direction to get into the thick of the playoff race. With Aaron Rodgers at the helm, it will really come down to the team picking the right combination of RBs each week, and moving assets to upgrade their respectable but underpowered WR group. Hill Valley has struggled with a short bench as they make moves looking for a long term payoff. As long as they win 4 out of the next 7, they have a good chance to peak come playoff time.

New York was the best team in the league this week, hearkening back to week one's dominance. The strong week reboots their season at 3-3; Peyton Manning and his pair of downfield playmakers, Randall Cobb and week 6's Offensive MVP TY Hilton mask an offense that is otherwise very pedestrian- not weak, but void of any real difference makers. It didn't matter this week against a ramshackle Saskatoon squad that had been consistent until this week's clunker. We'll examine today's blockbuster and its impact on the Sasquatch going forward in a subsequent post.

California Swag push to an improbably 4-2 with their season's best performance to date. Tom Brady seems to have his mojo working again- he'll need to keep looking like the vintage 2007 model while TE Jimmy Graham is on the shelf, if California is going to lock down a playoff spot early. Oniontown had so much wrong happen in such a short period of time! WR Victor Cruz is irreplaceable in terms of star quality, but the Massacre do have a group of burgeoning talents at WR that could be sneaky adept. Also, with the Jerick McKinnon emerging, they might be at the top of the list in terms of RB trios. At 2-4, the time for OT is now- they have to put some W's together before they lose their season.

Poor, poor Oakwood. The effort is valiant, but stripped down to bare bone, you have to hope for some lucky breaks, and they just haven't gotten any, losing the the Lead Farmers in tight matchup. All things considered, they're trotting out a pretty competitive lineup, but there just doesn't seem to be much under contract replete with trade value. HCM was bound to win sometime, and they did; HCM has a nice starting lineup with little in the way of depth; They'll need their big names to stay healthy and produce big numbers to get out of their hole.

South Park remains undefeated by the hair on their chinny chin chin, defeating former batterymate Toronto with fractions. YEAH, FUCK METRIC! I just googled to make sure Canada uses metric. They do. I'm not going to admit it is way more efficient because, 'MURICA. Stat corrections have already trumpeted one LTP victory this season though, so this one has to be too close for comfort. Should the result stand, the Cows can shift into long term mode if they would like- they ought to clinch a playoff spot in short order- at least one seven win team has always made the playoffs, and an eight win team has never missed them.

WEEK SIX OFFENSIVE MVP: 
WR TY Hilton, New York's Finest - 35.80pts













WEEK SIX DEFENSIVE MVP:
DE JJ Watt, Margaritaville Parrots - 38.25pts

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Thursday, October 9, 2014

Power Rankings 1.0

The rankings are simple- who has scored the most points to date!

1. South Park Cows (1st 5-0 939.62 pts)
The Cows have taken the league by storm, and in an unorthodox manner: They have streamed QBs and relied upon top picks Matt Forte and Antonio Brown to produce week in and week out. Eschewing Y!'s projections, Mike Hart has made his own fortune, trusting his instincts and making shrewd matchup decisions each week. Picking up Matt Asiata midweek when the Adrian Peterson business began has proven to be one of the best moves of the year, as he has grinded out quality RB2 numbers. Their WR corps is among the strongest in the league, and LB CJ Mosely is quietly the top candidate for Rookie of the Year.

2. Toronto Les Tres Petites (3rd 3-2 893.01 pts)
LTP has not missed a beat since half their braintrust left for Colorado: Stu Ferguson has his team at the top of the charts by way of a similar strategy: Multiple QBs, a stud RB, and quality WRs in all four slots. DeMarco Murray has been a revelation, scoring over twenty points all five weeks to date. There is room to improve the second RB slot- otherwise, this team is a veritable tank.

3. Phoenix Uprising (2nd 4-1 889.01 pts)
Phoenix has had good fortune, with three matchups being decided by less than ten points they have managed to win two of them, to partner with two blowout victories. This despite underwhelming performances from its top four picks: Drew Brees has been good, not great, and none of their "big three" WRs have scored double digits in the past three weeks. The RB Carousel is in mid season form: Kevin Grimes has started eight different running backs, out of a maximum of ten. The team owes its record to its top two defensive picks: LB Lavonte David and S Harrison Smith.

4. Oniontown Massacre (8th 2-3 857.74 pts)
It wouldn't be fair to say the Massacre have been tremendously unlucky to this point- the 811.79 points they have faced so far this season puts them right in the middle of the pack. It would be more accurate to say their luck has been untimely: Two of their three losses were of the single digit variety, while both of their wins have been blowouts. Top to bottom they have a solid squad, with QB Andrew Luck being the obvious frontrunner for MVP in the early going. Vince Milillo's team is coming off their worst loss of the season, but I still think they are trending upwards.

5. Hill Valley McFlys (4th 3-2 855.90 pts)
The McFlys have actually been the luckiest team in the league this year, seeing their opponents put up a meager 752.58 against them. But with one exceedingly poor week, and one hard luck (less than five points) loss, they have not been able to capitalize on their schedule. They have a glut of WR talent, and a pocket full of useful (but not elite) RBs- this is where Mike Verrino makes his living on the trade market. Look for the McFlys to turn their wealth of mid level talent into some high tier performers in the coming weeks.

6. Saskatoon Sasquatch (9th 2-3 840.37)
This team has scored enough to win every week, only to have their opponent score a little bit more: One loss by four, one loss by nine, and one loss by twelve. If it is any consolation, two of those losses came against the top two teams in the league, and they won't have to face South Park or Phoenix again. A strong WR corps supplements QB Matt Ryan and RB Marshawn Lynch- what this team could really use is some help at TE, where the team has not gotten double digit production once this season.

7. New York's Finest (10th 2-3 837.58 pts)
The Finest are a deeper team than in years past, anchored by top overall pick Peyton Manning. WR Randall Cobb has been elite returning from injury this year, and the rest of the team has done enough to stay competitive. On the defensive side of the ball, LB DeAndre Levy is again one of the league's biggest playmakers, a rare LB that has the oomph to stop the run dead in its tracks, and the freak athleticism to ballhawk intermediate patterns. They've had the second toughest slate to date, seeing 892 pts against through five weeks.

8. Indiana Turbanators (5th 3-2 822.19 pts)
The Turbanators won two nailbiters to start the season before being blown out in week three, and then splitting a pair. Mired in mediocrity, they made a blockbuster trade, as Ajay Patel made a ballsy call to stick with 123rd overall pick Philip Rivers over second round pick Aaron Rodgers; Grouping him with their first round pick Montee Ball, they bet an ailing Megatron can elevate their team to the next level. It won't happen right away, but if they can split the next couple of weeks to stay over .500, this is a team that looks poised to dominate in the back half of the schedule.

9. Margaritaville Parrotheads (6th 3-2 797.36 pts)
JJ Watt continues to be the only game changer at defensive line, and as he goes, the Parrotheads go. In weeks one, three, and four Watt has scored 20.5, 16, and 23.5 and Margaritaville has won. In weeks two and five Watt scored 6.6 and 4.0 and the Parrots lost. Doesn't take a genius to spot a correlation. The team's achilles heel is a reliance on rookie WRs, who boom and bust as they take their lumps- but as they play each week, they are also gaining experience, and should improve as the season goes on. If that is the case, watch out for Steve Grimes' team.

10. Ho Chi Minh City Lead Farmers (14th 0-5 788.80 pts)
Winless in five, I am surprised to see HCM City has not been as woeful as their record suggests. Looking at their roster, there is a lot to like: chiefly the two stud RBs in Eddie Lacy and Le'Veon Bell. The rest of the roster is talented, but many of their key players have started slowly. Pete Persampieri will need to turn things around in a hurry if they want to sniff the post season- the best course of action may be to hold tight to his current roster and let them play themselves out of it, rather than any panic moves.

11. Manitoba MooseCrew (11th 2-3 780.95 pts)
After some early season turmoil, Manitoba looks like a team ready to come into their own: Winners of two straight, they've survived the roughest early season schedule in the league (seeing an astounding 946.08 points!) and now have a chance to make up some ground. Attaining a true franchise QB in Russell Wilson, and boasting the best WR duo in the league in Demaryius Thomas and Jordy Nelson, they are primed to break out. Marty Sheehy's team can start by defeating the defending champions to even their record.

12. Pawnee Pacers (13th 1-4 780.93 pts)
Another year, another batch of disappointment for Pete Allegretta. They've only surpassed 160 pts twice in five weeks, resulting in one win and one heartbreaking loss. Seeking some more consistency, the Pacers will turn to Aaron Rodgers in week 6, hoping to start their first winning streak of the season. Solid RB depth could turn into some prime trade pieces when Rashad Jennings and Montee Ball return to health. 

13. Oakwood Drivers (12th 2-3 772.56 pts)
The Drivers have had a promising season put on hiatus with the Adrian Peterson suspension. Coupled with Knowshon Moreno's hand injury, a team with a deep RB trio found itself hurting. So they went back to what worked last year, trading for RB Fred Jackson, and finding profit in underrated WRs. It's been an up and down start for Tom Acquisto, but that is preferable to the down and downer start of 2013, and with Moreno, Eric Decker, and Jordan Cameron all getting healthy, the Drivers have a lot of potential for upswing. Not that they could fall much lower on this list, coming off a 115 point putrid effort in week five.

14. California Swag (7th 3-2 769.68)
Least but certainly not last- the 2012 Champs are over .500 despite the lowest totals in the Larkspur Bowl. They have bookended three solid weeks with 133 point messes, but manage to be 1-1 in those games. The team's fortunes rest on Tom Brady, who was left for dead before a big time performance last week. Jimmy Graham will provide a mismatch every time he takes the field, and Alshon Jeffrey is a bonafide WR1. After that, its a matchup playing bonanza, but Jason Kalmer has shown he is aces in that department before. 
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Tuesday, October 7, 2014

TRADE 8: Discount Mega-Double Deal

This one is a doozy, a true blockbuster involving multiple top draft picks, between interstate rivals. Hold on to your butts!

Indiana acquires:
WR Calvin Johnson
QB Cam Newton
RB Bishop Sankey

Pawnee acquires:
QB Aaron Rodgers
RB Montee Ball
WR Andrew Hawkins

Indiana lands an injured Megatron, in exchange for Aaron Rodgers and an injured Montee Ball. How hurt the studs are will determine how the bards sing this tale for the ages- Johnson is perhaps the most dominant WR in the game when he is right; Even if he has to sit for a week or two, it will be worth recharging him to 90%. QB Aaron Rodgers is the one sure thing in this deal- he is healthy, and he in undeniably an elite option at QB, week in and week out. Pawnee's 1-4 start made this deal a necessity, as they could not wait for Johnson to get healthy, not could they afford Cam Newton's week to week volatility. They have to win now, and Rodgers was perhaps the only QB on the market that gave them that opportunity. (Rumors of Peyton Manning's availability have been unsubstantiated, though both Mannings currently reside on the Finest' roster.) Rodgers was a fungible asset due to the brilliance of Philip Rivers, who has returned to that elite pedestal of QBs- he was brilliant leading Phoenix to the championship last year, and he has not let up. Likewise, Pawnee could afford to take on the uncertainty Montee Ball presents at RB, due to his own depth at the position; Even with Ball and Rashad Jennings shelved, Giovani Bernard and Darren Sproles are high caliber options. If Rodgers can lead the Pacers to a few wins, and those injuries heal, they will be in prime position to nab another high level WR to fill the void. For Indiana, Cam Newton should be a precursor to another move; While he will be a nice fill in for week 10, if the Turbanators can profit before then, they ought to jump at the chance. On the backend of the trade, Andrew Hawkins is a very nice WR3 that will defray the loss of Megatron in the immediate future, while RB Bishop Sankey has some tantalizing upside, especially if he can carve out a bigger role as the season progresses.
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TRADE 7: A QB, a Tight End, and an injured Linebacker walk into a bar.

As week five wrapped up, we saw a major trade develop between two teams fighting to get over the .500% mark.. Both dealt from positions of strength to upgrade their starting lineup. I'm not going to finish that headline with a punchline, but if I did, the "tight end" would be a butt joke. Lets take a look!(AT THE TRADE!)

Oniontown acquires:
TE Antonio Gates
QB Joe Flacco
LB Brian Orakpo

Manitoba acquires:
QB Russell Wilson
TE Coby Fleener
LB DeMeco Ryans

Analysis of this trade has to start with the headliners: Russell Wilson has been a QB1 shelved by Andrew Luck being THE QB1 to date- he was a commodity the Massacre had to move to get value out of. While the QB Market is fickle, the MooseCrew were an obvious buyer after their hopes and dreams were squashed by RG3's injury. Now, they have a QB who might have been an upgrade on a healthy RG3, and got him by moving from a position of strength (Gronk remains their starting TE) and retaining their twin dynamos at WR: Demaryius Thomas and Jordy Nelson lined up wide might be the best 1-2 punch in the LFL. OT had a gaping hole at tight end after losing Dennis Pitta for the season. Now they have a future hall of famer they can trot out with confidence, and it only cost them a contextual bench piece. Barring injury, that's a win-win exchange. The spare parts on offense are procedural moves, bottom of the bench or top of the wire guys: Flacco is competent, and if he sticks on the roster would be a fine fill-in during Luck's week 10 bye week- elsewise he has some low level trade value as byes take their toll on the league. TE Fleener is not an every week guy, but has some value as a spot starter in the flex, with the upside to progress into a solid depth piece. On defense, we're looking at two tier two linebackers that suffered injuries this week. Ryans is a MLB that can be counted on for solid tackle numbers (high floor) while Orakpo is a big play OLB (high ceiling) so the severity of their maladies might determine who swings the advantage in this deal.
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Week Five Results

We're starting to see some separation at the top and bottom of the heap: South Park remains undefeated, with Phoenix a game behind at 4-1. Then everybody else with a smattering of threes and twos, and on the far side we have 1-4 Pawnee scuffling, and HCM City looking derelict at 0-5.



Week 5 Matchups



The Kevin Bowl went to the wire, as Saskatoon fought back all the way til the end, but Phoenix managed to hang on for the W. The Uprising are now 2-1 in games decided by single digits, their penchant for nail biters fortuitous thus far. This matchup did see early returns on a trade between these two teams, with the Sasquatch bending the needle their way: WR Brian Quick erupted for 23.2 points, while the Uprising only got 8.4 and an injury in RB Zac Stacy's first trial in orange. CB Cortez Allen had a great performance for the brown team, despite the loss.

New York finally had the good kind of luck, holding off the Turbanators and working their way to a manageable 2-3. Indiana had been flying high, but their defense and running game both had lackluster showings in week five; Peyton Manning and Steven Jackson led the charge for the Finest, like fine wines or 70's rock. I don't know what that means- Manning is getting better? Steven Jackson still rumbles?

Oh Canada won big, trouncing the woeful Pacers and flirting with the 200 point plateau. At 3-2, Toronto is riding DeMarco Murray to contention- he's been an absolute stud, so the only concern has to be durability. LB Bobby Wagner was stout in the middle, earning defensive MVP honors. Pawnee started hot, with Julius Peppers looking sleek and svelte, but their production went hot wheels to tire fire real quick. Megatron's bum wheel has undermined this team in back to back weeks, they need him healthy, or they need to replace him. Head Coach Pacey Jones is on the hot seat.

There was a short time on Monday night where it looked like the Massacre might inch out the most improbable of victories, but then the McFlys dispelled that rumor with authority. Hill Valley has not managed to put together back to back wins yet, but once they get going they should resume their regular role as a title contender. DeSean Jackson hammered the final nail in the coffin for OT- but with a major trade last night, the Massacre will have a chance to punch out of their shallow 2-3 grave with Antonio Gates lining up at TE the rest of the way.

It was sort of pathetic, but a win is a win; The Cali Swag managed to be the 12th ranked team in week five, but Oakwood was thirteenth, so it was enough. Tom Brady returned from the brink to marshall the 2012 champs, and Alshon Jeffrey remains unstoppable. For the Drivers, their RB situation (Peterson out indefinitely, Moreno injured) has hamstrung their bench, so with WR Eric Decker literally hamstrung, they had no viable alternatives. I mean, Jeremy Kerley, but.. come on.

If you thought the Cows were a fluke, and were waiting for the facade to slip, and were holding your breath until it happened, you have suffocated and died. South Park broke 200 pts again (with ease!) and is nearly fifty points better than its nearest competitor through five weeks. I just did the math and... wait. Carry the three... pointer, middle, ring, pinkie... yes! They are averaging almost ten points a week more than Toronto and Phoenix. JJ Watt was quiet, while Andre Ellington's big day, and Paul Posluszny's big neck could not bridge the gap for M-Ville.

HCM City was facing a fellow bottom feeder in Manitoba, and had a chance to finally break the goose egg. Alas- no delicious omelette breakfast this morning for the Lead Farmers who fall to 0-5. It is hard to discern what the problem is: They have two stud RBs in Leveon Bell and Eddie Lacy, a top 5 TE in G-Reg, and a solid defense, but they just have not been able to put it together. They'll need to go on a monumental winning streak to sniff the playoffs. The MooseCrew won again, and attained a franchise QB going forward, flipping their TE depth for Russell Wilson; Don't count them out- Week five MVP Demaryius Thomas looks healthy now.

WEEK FIVE OFFENSIVE MVP:
WR Demaryius Thomas, Manitoba MooseCrew - 41.6pts





















WEEK FIVE DEFENSIVE MVP:
LB Bobby Wagner, Toronto LTP - 22.0pts
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