The Toilet Bowl 2021

Two once-proud franchises will meet in a battle for a meager bit of relevancy in 2021 as Pawnee takes on Hill Valley in week thirteen- One of these teams will be playing their final game of the season, while the other will slip into the consolation bracket. The odds are against Pawnee, who will need to win and erase a 45 point deficit to climb out of thirteenth- meanwhile, a loss and a Carmel win over South Park could leave the Pride all the way down in last.

How did we get here? These two teams faced off in back to back Larkspur Bowl championships, with the McFlys winning LBX and the Pride equalizing in LBXI. Last season both teams had winning records, with the McFlys clocking in at 9-4 and the #3 seed, while Pawnee's 7-6 season was disappointing, it was respectable. Flash forward a year and we're ANYTHING BUT. 

Look at this trash:

Neither team is even ready to play the night before the matchup begins. If I could pick neither team to win, I would. Is this the beginning of the end, or have we passed that, and this is the end of the end, as both coaches shuffle off to early retirement? Lucky that there is no relegation in play. YEESH.

XIII: Week Twelve Results

The year's penultimate week of games concludes and we're all but settled on who is in the playoffs and who is out. The top seed will be Manitoba (10-2) who can look ahead to weeks fifteen and sixteen. Mar-A-Lago (9-3) faces the Moosecrew in week thirteen; with a win, they secure the second bye.

If they lose, that will open up the second bye week to a host of competitors: Deputy, Philadelphia*, and South Park are all 8-4 and the points race is close enough that each has a realistic shot at making it up to the #2 seed with a big week thirteen.

*ONE CAVEAT: The Rum Ham lost a seaworthy matchup to the Uprising in week twelve that will be subject to review through Thursday morning. If they end up getting that W, they rise up to 9-3 and actually have the edge over the Treason on points. That would mean that if both teams win, it will come down to either their head-to-head matchup (Mar-A-Lago won) or overall points, I am not really sure because Y! does not give full ownership of seeding tiebreaks. If one team wins and the other loses, the victor takes the two spot. If BOTH teams lose, then they enter a point tiebreaker with Deputy and/or South Park if either team wins.

The #6 seed will go to either Ohio (7-5) or Binghamton (7-5). If both can nab W's this week it will result in an 8-5 team missing the playoffs for the first time in Larkspur Bowl history. If both lose, theoretically Phoenix or HCM City could sneak in with a win... but the point differential is so extreme, it is almost impossible. If Y! reverted to head-to-head tiebreakers all hell could break loose, but otherwise, even with winning records, the Uprising and Lead Farmers are probably just playing for a consolation bracket bye and a top four draft slot heading into 2022's LBXIV.

For the eliminated teams, an elegy for what might have been:

• PHX 6-6: Back to back single digit losses in weeks 10 (SAV) & 11 (SPC) we too much to overcome; winning either puts them in the race while winning both would have clinched.
• HCM 6-6: Single digit losses in week 3 (SPC) & week 10 (OTB) broke a squad that came racing out of the gates but has stumbled down the stretch.
• JSC 4-8: Back-to-back monster performances in weeks 4 & 5 were the only time the defending champions really looked the part this season but have been okay in December.
• SAV 4-8: Losses piled up early, but the Petes did a commendable job of playing their best football in the late going and look poised for a run in the consolation bracket after all.
• HVM 3-9: A week 282 point outburst in week five over BIN was the only highlight in the McFly's worst ever season. Rumor abound that Coach was preoccupied with a wedding?
• PAW 2-10: Have the Pride turned into the Pumpkins? Probably not. Pawnee saw the most points against in the league this year and got buries early.
• CRT 2-10: After splitting their first four games the Rudy-Toos lost a tight week 5 game to DVH and just crumpled afterward- not a crash landing as they have not landed yet, 0-8.

Week 12 Matchups

 

• Phoenix Uprising215.75South Philly Rum Ham212.73
  FinalRecap
• Binghamton Snipers154.60South Park Cows202.92
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• Carmel RudyTuesdays116.93Savannah Petes202.92
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• Deputy Van Halens216.76Pawnee Pride199.88
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• Hill Valley McFlys157.25NJ Sanitation Crew191.48
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• HoChiMinhLeadFarmers174.02Mar-a-Lago Treason165.38
  FinalRecap
• Manitoba Moosecrew174.28Tommy’s Boys250.55
  FinalRecap

TEAM OF THE WEEK TWELVE:

• QB DAK PRESCOTT (DVH) 29.10
• RB JOE MIXON (OTB) 35.40
• WR JAYLEN WADDLE (SPC) 29.18
• TE MARK ANDREWS (JSC) 20.20
• DL BRIAN BURNS (DVH) 19.00
• LB ALEX SINGLETON (SPC) 26.00
• CB DONTE JACKSON (OTB) 18.50
• SS RONNIE HARRISON (JSC) 27.00
• PK DANIEL CARLSON (HCM) 21.00

Cover Player Leonard Fournette (MAL) was left on the bench for his 42.30 performance as the Treason  prepare for their first playoff game since 2011.

XIII: Week Eleven Results

Another week, another late blog entry. With two games left on the docket, we have all but decided the six playoff teams for Larkspur Bowl XIII: Manitoba, Mar-A-Lago, and Philadelphia are in while Binghamton, Deputy, and South Park can clinch by winning either of their final matchups. Ohio, winners of five straight, remain on the outside but if any of the teams ahead of them stumble, they'll be a team nobody wants to see in the playoffs.

Effectively out of the running are a pair of former contenders- Phoenix, dropping two straight nailbiters, and HCM City, after suffering the same fate in weekends 9 & 10, went belly up in week eleven to lose its third straight. Mathematically there's a chance- but realistically both once proud teams will need to rally and prepare for consolation bracket play.

The league's bottom has piled up, with the bottom five teams all squabbling to survive past week thirteen. Right now Pawnee and Carmel are the stink, but realistically Hill Valley, Savannah, or New Jersey could end up in the cellar.

Week 11 Matchups

 

• Phoenix Uprising189.99South Park Cows196.36
  FinalRecap
• Binghamton Snipers186.35Savannah Petes161.50
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• Carmel RudyTuesdays159.61Pawnee Pride191.68
  FinalRecap
• Deputy Van Halens207.44NJ Sanitation Crew151.60
  FinalRecap
• Hill Valley McFlys177.93Mar-a-Lago Treason211.98
  FinalRecap
• HoChiMinhLeadFarmers137.80Manitoba Moosecrew186.17
  FinalRecap
• South Philly Rum Ham181.80Tommy’s Boys187.10
  FinalRecap

TEAM OF THE WEEK ELEVEN:

• QB: JUSTIN HERBERT (HVM) 37.78
• RB: JONATHAN TAYLOR (PRH) 60.60
• WR: JUSTIN JEFFERSON (DVH) 41.40
• TE: ZACH ERTZ (PAW) 26.90
• DL: SAM HUBBARD (HVM) 19.65
• LB: TJ EDWARDS (MMC) 30.05
• CB: DARIUS SLAY (CRT) 26.05
• SS: L'JARIUS SNEED (HVM) 26.10
• PK: JAKE ELLIOT (PRH) 19.00

Trade 10: The Year's Final Deal

After building up to a highwater mark of 29 deals in 2013, Larkspur Bowl trading activity has generally trended down, ticking up in 2018, and with today's deal, slightly up from last year's COVID-uncertainty. In LBXIV expect some rule changes to be considered to invigorate a stagnant market!

The year's final deal involved two former champions, now sputtering. Pawnee's season already lost, they're playing to try to sneak into the Consolation Bracket and build back better for 2022. Phoenix, with tenuous hopes for a six seed, addresses a season long running back problem in the least exciting way possible.

PAWNEE ACQUIRES: S XAVIER McKINNEY

PHOENIX ACQUIRES: RB MYLES GASKIN

McKinney might be the next superstar safety coming off a dominant performance against the Raiders in week nine; The Uprising have rotated Budda Baker, Jessie Bates, and Jamal Adams at the position this year and had no need for a fourth safety. Meanwhile, Pawnee's abundance of RBs left RB3ish Gaskin a spare part, out of the lineup and with the deadline approaching, running out of value for Pawnee. Both teams see their starting lineups improved the rest of the way in a low risk, win-win deal.

XIII: Week Ten Results

Missed the week nine recap- there's a blurb up for posterity, but it's limited in scope.
Lets catch up with the league heading into its final three weeks of regular season action.

Where are we now? Manitoba has seized the top spot at 9-1and leading the league in points, the Moosecrew are the odds on favorite for the title in 2021. There's no surety of a bye week- their lead is slim and their remaining schedule is formidable, but a playoff spot is foregone conclusion. 

Mar-A-Lago and South Philly are in a dead heat for the two seed, with the Treason, winners of their week six matchup and eight points ahead in the tally, holding pole position. Both teams would make the playoffs even if they lose out, but the bye week is a worthwhile objective in the season's final month.

Binghamton, Deputy, and South Park, each 6-4, have the keys to the castle. The Snipers and Cows will face off in Week Twelve giving 5-5 squads like Ohio, HCM City, and Phoenix a glimmer of hope down the stretch. 

That's more than can be said in Hill Valley, New Jersey, Savannah, Carmel, and Pawnee. All five teams have been eliminated, and for the Rudy-Two-and-Eights and the 1-9 Pride, they'll need help just to make a run at the Consolation Bracket. 

Week 10 Matchups

 

• Phoenix Uprising199.97Savannah Petes210.84
  FinalRecap
• Binghamton Snipers195.67Pawnee Pride165.04
  FinalRecap
• Carmel RudyTuesdays167.31NJ Sanitation Crew174.68
  FinalRecap
• Deputy Van Halens218.49Mar-a-Lago Treason163.44
  FinalRecap
• Hill Valley McFlys171.28Manitoba Moosecrew178.42
  FinalRecap
• HoChiMinhLeadFarmers186.34Tommy’s Boys191.55
  FinalRecap
• South Park Cows179.55South Philly Rum Ham195.31
  FinalRecap

TEAM OF THE WEEK TEN:

• QB: PATRICK MAHOMES (SAV) 40.24
• RB: DARREL WILLIAMS (BIN) 28.80
• WR: STEFON DIGGS (PRH) 34.00
• TE: TRAVIS KELCE (CRT) 19.00
• DL: CAMERON HEYWARD (SPC) 17.50
• LB: DEVIN WHITE (PHX) 37.00
• CB: XAVIEN HOWARD (PHX) 22.95
• SS: JALEN THOMPSON (JSC) 22.00
• PK: CHRIS BOSWELL (DVH) 12.00

XIII: Week Nine Results

Ran out of time this week- here's the results, for posterity!

Week 9 Matchups

 

• Phoenix Uprising176.21Pawnee Pride153.10
  FinalRecap
• Binghamton Snipers178.17NJ Sanitation Crew140.48
  FinalRecap
• Carmel RudyTuesdays161.07Mar-a-Lago Treason183.82
  FinalRecap
• Deputy Van Halens162.98Manitoba Moosecrew194.41
  FinalRecap
• Hill Valley McFlys176.94HoChiMinhLeadFarmers164.94
  FinalRecap
• Savannah Petes166.72South Philly Rum Ham219.18
  FinalRecap
• South Park Cows189.66Tommy’s Boys223.53
  FinalRecap

TEAM OF THE WEEK NINE:

• QB: JUSTIN HERBERT (HVM) 36.64
• RB: JAMES CONNER (SAV) 41.80
• WR: ELIJAH MOORE (PHX) 25.40
• TE: GEORGE KITTLE (OTB) 19.40
• DL: JOSH ALLEN (PHX) 33.55
• LB: MICAH PARSONS (PAW) 29.50
• CB: JC JACKSON (OTB) 31.40
• SS: JEREMY CHINN (SAV) 19.50
• PK: CHRIS BOSWELL (DVH) 18.00

Trade 9: Lets Go To the Hop

We saw another first round pick moved this past week- although injury concerns kept him from making his debut in week eight. Adding some intrigue, the two involved parties faced off immediately after the transaction, although any mystery ended shortly after kickoff.

SAVANNAH ACQUIRES: WR MARVIN JONES, LB JORDAN HICKS, WR QUEZ WATKINS 
PHILADELPHIA ACQUIRES: WR DeANDRE HOPKINS

The Petes would have benefit greatly from listing DeAndre Hopkins on the trade block, as the name alone would have stirred up a market. Having (by his standards) and suffering from a leg injury that prevented him from playing against his former team, his value might have been a bit lower than it would be otherwise... but competition can only help. Instead, Savannah's main get was Marvin Jones, who has been a WR1 at times in his career. Currently he's more of a WR2/3, and slotting in for his debut he did not inspire confidence, barely outscoring the throw-in third piece, Quez Watkins, a home run threat of a WR5 who scored single digits for the seventh time in nine games. 

Linebacker Jordan Hicks was the immediate standout of the deal, scoring 19.00 points in his new uniform. A dependable LB2, he and Marvin Jones could end up being worth Hopkins the rest of the season, especially if the injury lingers. But it's still a missed opportunity. Losing this game to Philly drops the Petes to 2-7, out of the playoffs for the fourth year in a row. As the lowest scoring team in the league to date, they're going to have to fight their way into even the consolation bracket.

Unless Hopkins misses the bulk of the season, or cannot produce in the playoffs at all, South Philly is going to win this trade outright. Even if he is more of a WR2 the rest of the way, this is a talent consolidation that helps the Rum Ham look even more like a bonafide contender than their 7-2 record indicates... their Achilles heel may end up being their long tenured QB, Matty Ice. If there's an upgrade available, will South Philly be able to make the tough call?